The Seemingly Never-Ending Battle

After my last appointment, and a few days of taking the right doses of each supplement, I was in less pain and finally able to get some okay sleep.
However – there’s almost always a hang up, right?? – one of my supplements was out of stock when I was last in the office. I was told they would send it out to me when they received a shipment. I was fine with that since I still had half a bottle left at home.
But…as the month between appointments went on…I ran out of that bottle…and hadn’t yet received a new one in the mail….
I was patient until I decided it was getting a little ridiculous. (Side-note: I think my doctor is a genius but have had a few administrative issues with his office. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) he’s worth the hang-ups and always seems annoyed [at his staff] when I have brought up those issues with him.) I called and asked if the bottle had been sent my way. It hadn’t. But I was told it would be sent out that day and I should get it Wednesday. Of course, on Wednesday, the post office was closed for the National Day of Mourning (RIP George H.W. Bush). It came Thursday, but I didn’t notice the tiny package on the porch that could have easily fit in the MAILBOX. So, it ended up being brought in Friday… 5 days before my next appointment.
I was tempted to call and reschedule my appointment since I figured he would just tell me I’m still in pain because I didn’t get all my supplements taken as they should have been taken. But, I enjoy the occasional check-up and figured he could probably adjust me or something to relieve some pain.
On the way to my appointment, I hit such bad traffic…and ended up being late. I HATE being late. What normally would’ve taken me 20 minutes took me 40 minutes ( plus major anxiety for running late). I felt like I was never going to get there, and so, never find relief. What a metaphor for my life the past 2.5 years.
I ended up calling to give them a heads-up that I was going to be late and was reassured that he could still see me. Thank goodness.
I assumed it would be a quick appointment since I basically got there 5 minutes after my appointment should have already ended. But, I was actually able to ask some questions that I had been wondering about for a while. (When I feel like he has some extra time to answer questions I tend to take advantage…oops :P)
Some of the questions I got answers to are the following:


  • Do you think most adults are lactose intolerant?
Summarized answer: No, lactose isn’t the issue. The pasteurization process gets rid of the good bacteria you need to be able to digest dairy.
Thought to self: Okay, good to know/confirm. (I figured as much since I am allowed raw dairy on the food plan)


  • What is the deal with gluten?
Summarized answer: Some people have sensitivities to gluten, but all people have sensitivities to glyphosate – a herbicide used in the US to kill weeds that is found in all grains.
Thought to self: Awesome……….


  • Why aren’t peanuts on the list? (List or approved foods I can incorporate in my diet)
Summarized answer: Peanuts can contain mold.
Thought to self: Uh, ew.


  • Why isn’t pork on the list?
Summarized answer: Pork is known to have worms.
Thought to self: Okay…say no more…don’t really want pork now anymore anyway…
In addition to food related questions, I was able to ask some questions that helped me better understand “why me?”. Why am I dealing with these issues? Why am I dealing with these issues at 26-years-old? Why why why. It’s pretty frustrating being young and (feeling old ha :P) relating to older adults who tell me, “Oh, I gave up running years ago.” Okay…well I’m TWENTY-SIX. I should be able to run, jump, and dance around with my 2-year-old without regretting it later because my whole right leg is throbbing in pain.
Summarized answer: Maybe some genetics. And maybe/probably something that happened in my past……BOOM……(insert brain explosion emoji here)
I knew my past might catch up to me. But, I thought it might just be in the form of a slow metabolism or something less dramatic than what I have been dealing with.
In short, the fact that I was once overweight, then lost weight, then was worried about being overweight again so I under-ate, and then went through endless cycles of binge-eating and over-exercising came back to bite me. And this is all 4-5 years after eating and exercising fairly normally (thanks to my hubby who pulled me out of that dark hole). I had already put so much stress on my body. It was still trying to recover from those years of being mistreated when I got pregnant. So, my body couldn’t quite handle the shock and hormones of pregnancy without something being out of whack. Praise Jesus for a healthy baby (and now toddler) even if it means I suffered/am suffering.
“How many kids do you want?” A question my doctor asked me. (The tables had turned 😛 )
My husband wants 4. I want 2 or 4. Something about even numbers and me being the middle child 😬. So I tell him 2 or 4.
And then out of curiosity and pure respect for for his opinion, I asked, “What do you think? 2 or 4?”
I was pretty sure he would never tell me 4 since he literally just got done cracking my back and trying to lift my pelvic floor to give me some relief in my right leg. And, I was right. He told me that I could probably have another baby and be fine (minus some pushback from hormones like I’m currently dealing with), but any more and I’m looking at exponentially more difficult recoveries…
Thoughts to self: Only one more?…But, I am only 26…then again, I do feel guilty for not really feeling completely present during the first year and a half of my daughter’s life…I don’t really want to live that guilt 3 more times…
…too many thoughts to ever really write down.
A lot to take in and consider for the future. And although he made it clear I can do whatever I want, it’s nice to have an opinion from someone who knows so much about the human body and who has so much experience. Do I really want to spend the next 10 ish year completely exhausted and in pain? Will my next pregnancy really be my last?? What to do…what to do…
For now, I guess I will focus on being pain-free. I can make major life decisions later.

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